Introduction
Grief is unique, and everyone’s experience is different. But there are some responses and feelings that are very common. People often wonder if what they are feeling is normal, and it usually is, because there is such a wide range of experiences. Here are some answers to common questions.
Will I ever feel better?
Grief and the loss of someone close to us can be one of the most painful things we will ever experience. In the early days, weeks or even months it can feel like you will never feel better. Sometimes people feel after some amount of time has passed that they should have ‘got over it’. Or they may think that other people around them feel that.
Most people do feel better over time. This is not because they have got over it, but because there are longer breaks between the most painful feelings and the grief becomes more manageable. It becomes possible to enjoy and take part in life, while still remembering and grieving for the person who has died.
How long does grief last?
There is no set timescale for grief. The pain of losing someone we love never completely goes away, but it becomes less overwhelming. If after many months or years you are not feeling any better it might be time to seek some further help.
Are there five stages of grief?
The five stages of grief is a theory that nearly everyone has heard of, but it doesn’t really match most people’s experience very closely. The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These feelings are often (but not always) part of grief, but there are many other common feelings and experiences too. These include numbness, guilt, anxiety, pain, regret, crying and a variety of physical symptoms. There is certainly no set order or timeline for going through any stages of grief.
Is this normal/Am I going mad?
Because grief and bereavement has such a wide ranging effect, it can be surprising when feelings and experiences are not what you expect.
As well as feelings of pain and crying, it’s normal to feel numb, angry, guilty, irritable or anxious. Physical symptoms are also very common, including trouble sleeping or sleeping a lot, trouble eating or overeating, and digestive symptoms. You can feel pain in parts of your body or around your heart. People often feel the presence or even see or hear people who have died. Often you can have trouble concentrating or feel like you are losing your mind.
All of these are normal, but if symptoms carry on without improving, you may need to visit your doctor, or find some additional help.
How can I help someone who’s grieving?
Often one of the most useful things you can do is to listen to someone when they want to talk. Bereaved people often need to go over things many times and just being there can help.
You may be able to help with practical support and the tasks they need to do both dealing with the admin after someone dies, and with ongoing responsibilities of home, family and work. It is better to offer specific support rather that just saying ‘if there’s anything I can do ….’.
Often people find that support tails off after the funeral, so asking how someone is much later, or when significant dates come around, can be really meaningful. If someone seems to be really struggling, you could ask if they need help finding support.
How can I cope with anniversaries and reminders?
It can be really tough when special dates come round after someone dies – their birthday, anniversaries, Christmas, Mother’s Day and other holidays, and the anniversary of their death. People often dread these dates and start worrying about how they will cope far in advance.
It can help to have a plan for what you will do. You might like to do something to remember the person, such as meet up with others to share memories, or visit a resting place or other special location. But don’t put pressure on yourself, and do what’s right for you and your family, even if that’s ignoring the day.
Do I need grief counselling?
Most people cope with bereavement over time and with help from family and friends. But sometimes it’s important to get some extra help. Often this happens when people feel ‘stuck’ in a difficult place, with no improvement over time. Deciding if you or someone close to you needs more support is a very personal decision, but there is help out there. Read more about when and how to get help.
How Trustestate can help
When you are grieving, dealing with the admin after someone dies can be difficult and stressful. Trustestate can help take over some of the burden, for a fixed transparent fee. We offer a simple, streamlined service with expert support at every stage.
What we offer
Use our Complete Probate service and we’ll manage every stage of the process – we’ll take over all the admin, apply to the court for probate, and share out the estate. Or if the estate is simple and you have time, you can use our Grant of Probate service, and we’ll apply for probate using information you provide. Whichever service you choose, you’ll get dedicated advice every step of the way, and an online platform to keep track of everything. Book a free call with one of our experts to find out more.
