Introduction
Often when people are struggling to cope after a bereavement, someone will suggest grief counselling. But it can be difficult to know what is normal, and what’s a sign that you do need to reach out for help. This article describes some things you can look out for in yourself or someone else, and gives some options on where to look if you decide you need support or counselling.
Knowing when to get help
There’s no set timeline for grief, and it’s quite normal to still be feeling things very strongly months or even years after someone dies. In the early weeks and months in particular, feelings can be very strong and overwhelming. Usually over time, although the pain may still be as strong, it is possible to cope. Most people start to manage life, and even enjoy things again, while still remembering the person who’s died.
There are some things you can do yourself to help cope with grief. But sometimes people do need extra help. The following signs shouldn’t be ignored, especially if they persist many months after someone dies:
You feel ‘stuck’ and can’t see any change in your feelings.
You can’t find any enjoyment in things you would have enjoyed before you were bereaved.
You find it hard to manage basic tasks, work or have trouble getting up each day.
You feel very numb, or can’t think about the person who’s died, or remember any of the good times you shared.
You had traumatic experiences you can’t forget, or are having disturbing thoughts you can’t block out.
You feel like you don’t want to carry on living, or feel that people might be better off without you.
Types of support
Reaching out for support can be scary, but talking about your feelings is the first important step. There are different types of support available, and it could include:
Calling a helpline or using a web chat.
One or more sessions of support or counselling.
A longer course of therapy.
Taking to others who have had similar experiences – in person in a support group, or on an online forum.
If one thing doesn’t work for you it can be worth trying something different.
Where can I get bereavement counselling or support?
There are many different places and people that can help. What’s available does vary depending on where you live and your circumstances, so do try more than one place if the first one doesn’t work out.
Your GP
If you are struggling with mental or physical health your GP should be a first port of call. Grief can have many physical symptoms but they should be checked out if they don’t go away. Your GP may also be able to refer you on for NHS support (although there are often waiting lists) or give you details of other local services.
Hospices
Many hospices offer bereavement support to relatives and friends of those they cared for, whether that was in the hospice or at home. Some also run groups or offer support to bereaved people even if their relative or friend didn’t receive care from the hospice.
Charities and specialist organisations
There are some large national charities that offer free bereavement support of different types, see the list at the end for contact details.
Many smaller organisations offer support in different local areas of the country. There are also charities and organisations which can help when someone dies under specific circumstances, such as in an accident, by suicide, or from a particular illness. There are some signposting sites that can help you find out what’s available, see the list at the end for details.
Your employer
Some employers offer employee assistance schemes which might include counselling or bereavement support.
Professional counsellors
Many counsellors and therapists are trained to support people after a bereavement. Prices, and the type of support offered can vary quite a bit. A good therapist should offer a short call or first session so you can find out how they work and see if you think they can help you. There are various directories available online, we’ve given some links below.
If you have private health insurance this may cover talking therapy. Check with your provider for their criteria and if they have a list of approved therapists.
Friends and family
Finally don’t forget your friends and family. It can be difficult to reach out, and sometimes it can seem like friends and family are staying away or have forgotten about your grief. But sometimes people are just not sure what to do or how to react.
Sometimes letting someone know you need to talk is all that’s needed. And remember people have different strengths, and you may also need different things at different times – whether that’s someone to talk to, someone to help with practical tasks, or someone to take your mind off problems by doing something completely different with you.
Contact details
Signposting organisations
The Grief Support Guide outlines a wide variety of bereavement support available, from self-help resources to support groups and formal grief counselling. Also available in 10 other languages.
At a Loss brings together over 2,000 local and national bereavement services, filtered according to preference, location and need.
The Good Grief Trust is a bereavement support network bringing together over 900 charities and services.
Childhood Bereavement Network provides advice and guidance for bereaved children, young people, their families and communities. They have a searchable map to find support for a child or young person near you.
National charities
Cruse Bereavement Support offers a freephone helpline and has local branches in England and Wales offering one-to-one support.
Marie Curie has a helpline and offers ongoing support over the phone from a bereavement volunteer.
Sue Ryder offers a range of support including free video counselling, and an online community.
Therapy directories
How Trustestate can help
When you are grieving, dealing with the admin can be difficult and stressful. Trustestate can help take over some of the burden, for a fixed transparent fee. We offer a simple, streamlined service with expert support at every stage.
What we offer
Use our Complete Probate service and we’ll manage every stage of the process – we’ll take over all the admin, apply to the court for probate, and share out the estate. Or if the estate is simple and you have time, you can use our Grant of Probate service, and we’ll apply for probate using information you provide. Whichever service you choose, you’ll get dedicated advice every step of the way, and an online platform to keep track of everything. Book a free call with one of our experts to find out more.
