Introduction
Dealing with the admin which comes when someone dies can be stressful. It also comes at a time when you are coping with bereavement and grief, and this makes everything harder.
Grief is different for everyone, and no two people’s experiences are the same. But it can help to know a bit about how you may feel and react, and learn about some things that can help you cope.
Grief and your feelings
When someone close to us dies, it can be a very painful experience. There’s a really wide range of experiences and emotions that people can feel.
You may feel a lot of pain and sadness.
You may feel the absence of the person very strongly, and may find yourself looking for them or thinking you have seen or heard them.
You may not be able to stop crying, or may not be able to cry when you want to.
You may feel very little, or even numb, especially in the early days.
You may find yourself going over and over things that happened before they died, or things you did and said.
You may feel a rollercoaster of other emotions, including anger, guilt, shame, regret, fear, anxiety and irritation.
Other effects of grief
As well as the emotions, grief often has many physical effects, which can be unexpected. It’s common to feel pain in your body after someone dies.
You may also find that it’s very difficult to sleep, or you may be exhausted and need to sleep more.
You may be unable to eat, or find yourself eating more than usual.
You may suffer from digestive upsets, or headaches.
Many people are tempted to drink more alcohol, or use drugs to numb the pain, but the relief is only temporary.
Often people find they get ‘brain fog’ and find it difficult to concentrate. This can be a problem when you have to deal with all the admin that comes with the death of someone close.
Read some more answers to common questions people have about grief.
Ways of coping
The pain of loss is not something that can be easily ‘fixed’. But the following tips may help you cope.
Talk to someone: Talking can be one of the most helpful things. If you have supportive friends or family who can be a listening ear that’s great. Sometimes some people do find it hard to know what to do or say when someone is bereaved. It might help if you explain you know they can’t fix your pain, you just want them to listen, or sit with you. If you don’t have anyone close who can help, there are lots of helplines, online forums, and organisations out there. They can also put you in touch with others who will understand or who have been through similar experiences. Read more about where to get help.
Try and get out: Exercise can help, although sometimes that’s easier said than done. But if you can do a little, even if it’s just a walk around the block, it can help.
Stick to a routine: Everything can be strange and different in the days and months after someone dies. If you can, it can help to try and keep to a basic routine of eating and sleeping.
Write down your feelings: Many people have found that writing down feelings can help. This could be in a journal or diary, or even as a letter to the person you have lost.
Remember them and share memories: Remembering and honouring the life of someone who has died can be comforting. This is often done during a funeral or memorial, but there are other ways to continue this as time goes on.
Go easy on yourself: Don’t expect too much too soon, and remember to treat yourself as you would a friend or loved one. If you’re not ready for any of these suggestions, that’s fine.
Ask for help: if after some time has passed you are struggling to cope with your grief, or if things are very bad, you may need some extra help or support. Find out more about getting help and what’s available.
The pain of grief may never fully go away, but over time most people find it easier to cope and carry on with life, while never forgetting the people in their lives who have died.
How Trustestate can help
Dealing with the admin after someone dies can be difficult and stressful, especially when you are grieving. Let Trustestate take out the hassle for a fixed transparent fee. We offer a simple, streamlined service with expert support at every stage.
What we offer
Use our Complete Probate service and we’ll manage every stage of the process – we’ll take over all the admin, apply to the court for probate, and share out the estate. Or if the estate is simple and you have time, you can use our Grant of Probate service, and we’ll apply for probate using information you provide. Whichever service you choose, you’ll get dedicated advice every step of the way, and an online platform to keep track of everything. Book a free call with one of our experts to find out more.
